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Old 02-22-2011, 8:56 PM
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Default Unruly teen, how do you get through?

My son is 13 and he is obnoxious, rude, gets bad grades, and is an all around difficult person to be in the same room with. He thinks the world is against him. 2 things: The things that happen to him (getting lectured to, losing privileges, getting grounded) are a result of his own poor choices and actions, and also he has a negative out look so even when his life is great, he sees only the bad....My boyfriend(who has lived with us for several years now) is at his wits end with it and is actually considering moving out or a least staying away more often.
My son goes to his granmas and gets spoiled so we look like evil parents when he comes home and does not get to RUN the household. So we have reduced the amount of time he spends with granma and of coarse, it makes us look like the bad guys. What do you do?????
The hard part is that the childs father, who moved to the other side of the country, wants him for the summer and I am afraid he will be spoiled and come back worse, or he may not want to come back. Obviously, i hope the father will see the problem and instill some disipline but I am more concerned that he will place blame on us as if we made him this way! We have seen councelors and they say he is so bright and are impressed with his quick wit but when he gets home he is foul! Please, any advice????? One of the really sad things about it is that we have the opportunity to travel the world on a 50 foot boat but my son is so untrustworthy we can not even consider taking him, even though that might be the very thing that straightens him out...
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Old 04-02-2011, 5:19 PM
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Actually, his behavior could be a cry out for his father, a boy needs his dad, regardless of who his dad is (you may think he's a jerk or a good guy, whatever, but to the kid he is "dad"). I can't force your boyfriend to get down on his knee and marry you, and its not my business why you are living with a man you are not married too, but its possible this could also be playing a small role here. The kid needs to see stability, a man sharing your life who could walk away, no strings attached, at any minute doesn't grow a happy image inside a child's developing mind. I'm sorry if that's harsh or sounds judgemental, that is not my intent....but you obviously are concerned about your son. Also, I don't know if its part of your usual life, but how about some "mom and son" time each week, you could go play laser tag, movie, zoo trip, baseball game, just the two of you, develop that relationship, find similar interests, you can't expect the good relationship to just be there, it takes work. Hang tough, you've got a few more years to go, I have found for each difficult year, there has been a good one to follow, with my daughter its an every other year thing, the change occurs around her birthday...haha, maybe he will be the same way. Good luck.
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