12-01-2011, 6:29 AM
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Trouble with my son's loudness.
Hi All, I'm new to the forums, I'm so desperate for help that I can't believe I finally thought to seek out a parenting forum in search for answers that I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my own best friend. I have a 7 year old son who is smart and adorable, BUT...he comes with a loud mouth. For about 2 years now I have been trying to cope with his loudness. It is to the point that I actually dread him coming home from school. In school his teacher says he is very well behaved, he has never gotten in trouble for being loud or obnoxious. At home he drives me crazy. He will scream nonsense and I'm not sure if it's for attention or not but he does this during dinner, doing his homework, brushing his teeth etc. Today I think I was in a terrible mood from lack of sleep or something but I said some things to him that I truly regret....I said, "I dread it when you come home from school" and also, "when you are so loud I really wish I never had you"...ok, yes, I am a terrible mom
 If anyone can help me I would be ever so grateful on how to deal with this in a better manner. My husband has no suggestions except "just deal with it"...there's got to be a better way. I have a 4 year old daughter who is beginning to pick up his behavior as well and so I know I have to do something soon. I ask him to use his quiet voice but he doesn't...I sound like a robot making that request over and over.
            
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12-12-2011, 8:15 PM
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Well... I would say that since his teacher says he is well behaved at school, and it's not a problem there, then it could quite possibly be attention getting. Try this... next time he screams or yells say, as emphathetically as possible "Oh no... when you yell like that it hurts my ears and make me feel bad. I'll come back in the room when you can speak in a quieter tone of voice." Leave the room and go about your business. If he follows you and tries to engage say something like "I love you too much to argue with you about this. When you can respect my wishes, we'll talk about it..." If he doesn't comply, then tell him "oh no... (Empathy is important) I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that but as soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know." The next time he wants to do something... watch T.V.... play video games...whatever... say "children who are respectful to their parents get to "whatever it is". Be consistent. Check out Parenting with Love and Logic. Awesome parenting advice... also a Parenting class called Empowered Parenting in Dallas, TX... get some tools!!
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12-19-2011, 3:40 PM
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Thank you Jillktx. I like your suggestion, I'm going to try it today. I think I was in a terrible mood that day and compounded with his loudness it really pushed me beyond my limits. I will have to check out that book. Thanks again!
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01-13-2012, 1:41 PM
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Don't beat yourself up too much, we all lose control from time to time. In my opinion, because your son is so well behaved at school and only does this at home, I don't think there is an underlying issue. I think it's a behaviour that there has been no consequence for. I think you should breifly explain in child terms to him why you had the outburst that day and you are sorry. This behaviour will not continue though and from now on "insert consequence" will happen if you are yelling. Stick to your guns and always follow through from the second it starts. At first it will be tough to do but it should put a stop to the behaviour. Best of luck. Hang in there!
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01-16-2012, 6:43 PM
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I think the solution here is to 1) Let your son know clearly what your expectations are, and 2) reinforce him when he's being really good...and ignore the bad stuff, maybe mention to him that you so much prefer him when he's being good, etc.
Kids who are able to differentiate the demands of different environs (like school Vs. home) typically do not have ADHD. Rather, he's good in school b/c he knows precisely what the expectations are and probably only gets attention when he's meeting those expectations. That's what you want to duplicate at home. Also, as an FYI, your hubby basically removing himself entirely from parenting here isn't a good sign, that should be addressed with him, and if he continues to absolve himself, you both might want to get into therapy to take a look at that. Absent fathers=troubled kids, esp. sons.
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